Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Dead 7 (2016)

 Danny Roew


Nick Carter
Sawyer Perry


Nick Carter
Debra Wilson
Joey Fatone
Jeff Timmons
A.J. McLean
Erik-Michael Estrada
Howie Dorough
Chris Kirkpatrick
Frenchie Davis
Art Alexakis
Carrie Keagan
Lauren Kitt Carter
Chloe Lattanzi


Set in a post-apocalyptic world. Dead 7 tells the story of a group of gunslingers who have been sent to protect a small western town from a mass zombie attack. Humans are being kidnapped, turned, and led into battle by an evil woman called Apocalypta who wants to take the town of Harper's Junction and continue to make Hell on Earth for all those who are living in a post-zombie world.

When heading into a Syfy production. You know you are about to watch a film on the cheaper side. They aren't cinematic masterpieces. We know we are going to witness a movie that is short on acting, special effects and quality. Syfy over the last few years have staked their claim on cheap genre films that sometimes to turn out to be guilty pleasures. Just look at the Sharnado series which has surprisingly become somewhat of a cultural phenomenon and a must watch event during the television season.

I've always been a massive fan of zombie films. I love my undead, viral outbreak and apocalypse movies. There is something scary about the whole aspect of a virus wiping out the planet and the dead coming back to life to feast on the living. While the whole zombie aspect of a viral outbreak will 'probably' never happen. The outbreak element is a real possibility. In today's current climate, it wouldn't shock or even surprised me to see some nut job unleash a virus on mankind just out of a sheer act of terrorism.

I mention the above paragraph because I want to make it clear that I respect and love zombie films very much. So when a movie is released that misses every single mark, I get angry. But I also mentioned in the first paragraph, we go into Syfy films with the very real prospect that we might witness a pile of crappy, cheap, low-budget moviemaking that turns out to be terrible and sadly with Dead 7, that's exactly what we get with this movie.

I feel like Dead 7 was ultimately made just for the teenage girls who loved all the boy bands such as The Backstreet Boys, N'SYNC, O-Town, 98 Degrees and whatever other boybands who had a few hit albums during the late nineties and early naughties. This is written by Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys and is clearly not some love letter to the zombie genre. It's a chance to get all his mates back together and hope that the teenage girls who loved them during their heyday, get one last hit of nostalgia. Dead 7 is more a gimmick than a solid piece of Zombie filmmaking.

The biggest disappointment in Dead 7 for me was seeing the iconic Debra Wilson who was one of the original members of MadTV and a comedy genius who is slumming in a Syfy production. This woman is one of the best impressionists and a genius when it comes to comedy. Here she plays the villain and is left to scream and screech and do not much else. She is so much more worthy and talented than Dead 7. It hurt me to watch her in this film.

When it comes to the acting by everyone else. They shouldn't quit their day jobs of living off their royalties from the songs that may have written one or two words on. Leave the acting to the professionals. Nick Carter is probably the only one in the cast who looks like he's trying to take his performance seriously. Joey Fatone from N'SYNC looks like he's slowly morphing into Randy Quaid in Dead 7. I actually thought it was when he first popped up on screen.

The gore and violence are the reason why I decided to give Dead 7 one out of ten. The movie while having the budget of a Syfy film, I still enjoyed the bloodshed that was shown on screen. We get a ton of head popping, limb slicing, and blood splatter to make this gorehound happy. While the gore looks somewhat fake due to heavy use of CGI blood and gore and basically no practical effects. I still found the amount of gore to be at least one watchable aspect of Dead 7.

Lastly, the production value of Dead 7 isn't anything to be noted. I can see that the cinematographer tried to add a few scenic mountain shots and some nature, but it really doesn't add much to the film. The opening credit sequence also blatantly steals the sound effects and quick-cut technique that made the Dawn Of The Dead remake credits so brilliant. The only thing that is different is Syfy clearly couldn't afford the use of Johnny Cash - The Man Comes Around. All in all the movie is one of the worst zombie films I've seen in recent memory.

 10 (Opening Credits Massacre) + 70 (Estimated)


- Tons of zombie headshots.
- A few exploding zombie heads.
- Someone is stabbed in the neck.
- Limbs are blown and sliced off.
- Fingers hacked off.
- Teeth are ripped out.
- Flesh is eaten.
- A samurai sword is used to decapitate zombies.
- A skull is crushed by a Jeep.
- A pool cue is used to impale a zombie.
- Someone's throat is slashed.

Dead 7 has a few solid moments of carnage and gore. Sadly, this is the only element that works in the film. The movie is clearly a grab at getting the nostalgic feeling of seeing your favourite nineties and naughties boyband members all in the one movie together. This is your typical, low-budget, Syfy production, nothing more. The movie isn't even so bad it's good like Sharknado. Skip this film and watch Dawn Of The Dead instead. Actually, watch the terrible Day Of The Dead remake as it's more entertaining than this dreck.

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