DIRECTOR: Rick Rosenthal
Jamie Lee Curtis
Sean Patrick Thomas
Thomas Ian Nicholas
Michael Myers once again tracks down Laurie Strode who is now institutionalised after the events that took place in California. Laurie believes she had finally killed her serial killer and murderous brother but she had actually killed a paramedic. Once again, the shape, Michael Myers has come to finish off his sister once and for all. When a reality television production company decides to film in Michael Myers childhood home. He will return to Haddonfield to kill everyone involved in this internet web series which has entered his home.
With the ending of Halloween H20, we finally witnessed Laurie Strode kill the one and only Michael Myers. She cut his head off with an axe. It was an emotional but brilliant way to bring the Halloween franchise full circle. It closed off these two characters who were there from the beginning. Sadly someone at Dimension Films saw fit to drag the series back from the dead one last time. Had this just ended with Halloween H20, we may have gotten the fitting end these two characters so rightly deserved.
Returning to the director's chair is Rick Rosenthal who gave us the great Halloween II. A great sequel that followed the original and delivered just as much suspense. It was a worthy follow-up to what many people consider to be the greatest slasher film of all time. He returns after a twenty-one-year absence to deliver the worst Halloween film. It seems fitting that he'd continue the series after the groundbreaking original to only return to completely destroy the series at the end. It would be only more fitting if it were John Carpenter himself who returned to direct this monstrosity.
The first nail in the coffin in Halloween: Resurrection is that they bring back Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode only to kill her off at the beginning of this flick. It's one of the weakest ends for such a strong and iconic female character in horror cinema. A very disappointing end for me. They also give us this half-assed, cheap death scene. The way they explain how Michael Myers concocted this plan where he put a paramedic with his crushed throat into the jumpsuit and mask and actually survived was just woeful. The issues just continue to pile up.
After the death of Laurie Strode, we are quickly introduced to this bunch of hideous college students. They are all selected to be a part of a reality television show that is based on fear. They will be placed in Michael Myers childhood home with cameras so everyone online will be able to view these characters as they investigate this house of horrors. The entire cast of college students in this film is horrendous. Even our final girl is utterly bland. Not once did I find myself caring for a single person in the film and that includes Michael Myers.
We are also introduced to the two producers of Dangertainment. Two disposable and greedy douche bags. One is played by model Tyra Banks, and the other one is played by rapper Busta Rhymes. Both deliver Razzie-worthy performances here. The writers of Halloween: Resurrection need a swift fly kick to the side of the temple for having Busta Rhymes use kung-fu to fly-kick Michael Myers out of a window. It even includes Busta Rhymes making kung-fu sounds as he tries to size up Michael Myers. The scene plays so unintentionally hilarious that I'm shocked they left it in the final cut.
I think while Halloween: Resurrection ramps up the violence and bloodshed, It's just terribly executed. There is a scene where a character is decapitated with a kitchen knife and her severed head rolls down the stairs. They capture the head as it comes to a stop and it looks nothing like the actress. It looks like a mannequin head. People are stabbed, impaled and the most impressive moment is when Thomas Ian Nicholas gets stabbed right through the top of the skull with a kitchen knife. This is clearly not KNB EFX doing the work on this flick. It's cheap and tacky.
The intention behind Halloween: Resurrection feels like this is trying to be a seriously scary horror movie. The writers and director seem like they are taking the material as seriously as possible, but they aren't in on this big joke. Tonally, it's a misfire. It's just a shame that every moment where they try to give the audience a scare or jolt, they ruin it with something unintentionally hilarious. This could've been the comedy of the year. It's on the same level as The Wicker Man remake or The Happening. They are played straight but appear more like a comedy.
Lastly, the final nail in the coffin is the subplot involving our final girl who is chatting over the internet with some freshman who manages to go to a frat party and instead of partying with his mate, he decides to sit down and watch the group live on the net. He ends up helping our final girl out while Michael Myers is trying to kill her. He guides her around the house and warns her when he's near. It's all pretty dull and slows any chance of tension as we have to listen t stupid drunk frat kids spouting off stupid lines everytime something happens on camera. While the movie may be ahead of its time with some of the reality tv stuff, it's just painful to watch.
DEATH TOLL: 11
BLOOD AND GORE:
- A paramedic's larynx is crushed.
- A severed head is found to be a paramedic and not Michael Myers.
- A severed head is found in a washing machine.
- A woman's head is cut clean off with a kitchen knife.
- Someone is stabbed in the throat with a sharp piece of metal.
- Someone is pushed onto and impaled on a rusty metal spike.
- A guy is repeatedly stabbed and once in the top of the skull.
- Laurie Strode is stabbed in the stomach.
- Laurie Strode falls off a building and to her death.
- A headless body is found.
- Michael Myers is attacked with a chainsaw.
- Michael Myers is electrocuted.
- A security guard has his throat slashed.
- A man is repeatedly stabbed in the shoulder.
- A woman is seen hanging from the rafters.
- A man has his skull crushed, blood pours out of his eyes.
- Someone is stabbed with three knives in the stomach.
- Michael Myers is fly-kicked out a window and gets hung from a rope.
After Halloween: Resurrection, I think we can finally lay the Halloween series to rest. Yes, we get the remake, and it's sequel, but while treading familiar ground, they are different enough to be better than this appalling disaster. A messy monstrosity from beginning to end. It's sad that Rick Rosenthal who gave us the excellent Halloween II returns to gives us the worst sequel of the franchise. When you have a subpar rapper fly kicking Michael Myers while making kung-fu sound effects, you know that even the supernatural Michael Myers and the Cult Of Thorn subplot from The Curse Of Michael Myers seem great by comparison.