Saturday, April 29, 2017

SLASHER.com (2017)








DIRECTOR: Chip Gubera

WRITERS:

Chip Gubera
Chelsea Andes

CAST:

Jewel Shepard
R.A. Mihailoff
Ben Kaplan
Morgan Carter
Rebecca Crowley
Adam Boster
Delious

PLOT:

When Jack and Kristy finally decide to meet up after chatting on an online dating app. Kristy surprises Jack by telling him that she's rented a secluded cabin in the woods for them to spend the weekend together. When they arrive, they are greeted with an odd and creepy family that owns the lodge cabin business and their relaxing weekend now descends into a weekend of survival horror. If they plan on surviving, they must get out before it's too late.







Online dating websites and applications have the real possibility of being a genuinely frightening experience. The amount of Grindr, Tinder and Plenty Of Fish screenshots and horror stories that you see posted online, to the real-life stories that I had heard from friends and even experienced for myself makes online dating a real horror story. The scariest aspect of it all is that you never really know who you're a meeting when it comes to that time. It could be a real life killer or the man of my dreams.

Slasher.com plays around with the idea of online dating apps but never really takes it that far. The movie opens with a woman being murdered, and we get news reports of a serial killer who is killing women that are using dating apps, but that's about it. We are quickly introduced to our two leading characters who meet for the first time and the movie pretty much does away with the whole dating app horror element. Here we have two incredibly annoying characters who we have met very quickly, and now this is where the movie really begins.


If I had been chatting to a woman on an online dating application and she showed up to my home and told me she had rented a cabin in the woods for a weekend away, I'd be showing her the door. But Jack isn't thinking with the brain in his head, and we see this weak-willed bloke jump in the car and head off into the wilderness to try and get himself laid. Now, this is where the film turns into your typical, run-of-the-mill, fight for survival in the wilderness, backwoods horror story.

Once the movie introduces us to our creepy redneck family, this is where the movie provides us with three of the most repugnant and disgusting characters that I think I've seen so far in a genre film all year. We have a matriarch who likes to masturbate with a spoon and lick it, a father who makes sexual advances towards his daughter (It's never really clear, though) and a daughter who likes to try and sexually harass the visitors to her parent's cabins. There is not one really likeable character in the film. I couldn't find one that I wanted to root for here.

The movie quickly descends into our two characters fighting for survival against the twisted family. The movie really doesn't offer anything new for the first hour and ten minutes. It's people being tortured by rednecks, as people run through the woods and innocent random supporting characters are brutally killed off. It's generic and a story we have seen countless times before. You won't be greeted with anything remotely surprising which made the first three-quarters of this film utterly dull.

At an hour and eleven minutes into this film is where we get a half decent twist. Due to being so bored by the first hour and ten minutes. I had completely forgotten that the story opens with the subplot of a serial killer murdering women who the killer has met on an app. This comes back into play and it sort of ties the opening scene to one of our major characters. It's not an original twist by any means, and it's been done before but for me, it sort of caught me off guard to the point where I was surprised by it. So for that, I think it deserves a point for at least messing with me.

With this twist being added to the mix, the movie then goes and does away with it by giving us an ending that feels tonally uneven. Had they just had the character reveal play out with the killer going through with the plan he had all along, it may have been darker and more disturbing. Instead, we have given all four of these characters a ride off into the sunset as one big happy 'new' family that I'm sure was meant to disturb but it doesn't come across that way in the film. It's just an odd ending to a film that feels like it tries to throw in several twists after one successful one.

Visually, I think Slasher.com has some incredible drone shots. It's a very low budget movie for a vast majority of its running time, and you can see they had limited funds. However, I did enjoy a couple of the drone tracking shots. Panning up the side of an apartment complex to panning up off a creek bed really gave this flick some visual flourishes. It's just a shame that the director and cinematographer felt the need to use a drone for every second shot as it feels like there is an overabundance of them by the end of the film.

Lastly, I want to talk about the acting. I did not enjoy the performances whatsoever in this movie. It doesn't help that not one character is written to be likeable. I found myself by thirty minutes into the movie wanting to see the entire cast killed off. The only actress that I think will stand out in the movie is Jewel Shepard as the evil and villainous mother 'Momma Myers'. She does some twisted stuff in this film, and you won't look at spoons the same way again.







DEATH TOLL: 13

BLOOD AND GORE:

- A woman is stabbed to death.
- A captive man is bled out.
- A man is fed another man's blood.
- A woman's dirty panties are used as a gag.
- A police deputy is stabbed in the throat.
- A woman is stabbed in the stomach.
- A man is stabbed up through the chin.
- A man is stabbed in the leg with a pocket knife.
- A man is repeatedly hit in the skull with a rock.
- A woman falls onto a machete.
- A mass grave is found in the woods.
- A man has his throat slashed.
- A man is slashed across the leg and arm.
- A man is stabbed with a branch.








Going into Slasher.com, I didn't know what to expect. With a pretty neat poster, the poster art for the film turns out to be a lot more entertaining than the film itself. Filled with repugnant and gross characters, a boring first hour and ten minutes and terrible acting, a couple of neat visual camera angles and a surprising twist couldn't save this one from being a backwoods horror movie that we've seen a million times before but done a lot better.

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