Sunday, May 28, 2017

WTF! (2017)

DIRECTOR: Peter Herro


Peter Herro
Adam Buchalter
Christopher Lawrence Centanni


Callie Ott
Nicholas James Reilly
Andrea Hunt
Benjamin Norris
Sarah Agor
Adam Foster
Johnny James Fiore
Perez Hilton
Chloe Berman


Rachel is a young woman who was the sole survivor of a gruesome murder spree that took place in a secluded cabin in the woods. Now that she has moved on with her life and on from the horrific events of her past, her new group of friends convinces her to come away for a weekend of partying, drinking, sun, and fun. When they arrive at the cabin, they begin being brutally murdered, one by one, by a hooded killer.

I went into WTF! pretty excited to watch the movie. I had witnessed the uncut poster with the naked woman who is holding her breast, screaming, covered in cuts, slashes, and blood. It looked like a bloody, good time. Also, I couldn't really pass up a chance to watch a movie with a title like WTF: What The Fuck. I had expected a blood-soaked slasher. Something that may possibly be a hell of a lot of fun. A great title and poster, sadly do not make a great movie.

The movie opens with quick glimpses and shots of people being maimed in a secluded cabin in the woods. We witness a woman defending herself while stabbing a bloke to death. I was with it for all of about two seconds. That was until we cut to present day and see the camera open up on Perez Hilton who I assume is meant to be throwing a frat pool party and playing a frat boy himself. The man has aged like a withered boot. The first big mistake is having the audience believe that Perez Hilton is a gay frat boy.

We are quickly subjected to the group of soon-to-be victims. All of the familiar horror movie stereotypes of the young woman who is uptight, the slutty one, the rich snobby bitch, the stoner, the jock, and the nerd. Sadly, not one of these monsters is likeable. Luckily for us, Perez Hilton is made scarce after he admits to the rich bitch that he is keen to bang her so he can get his straight-v card. The movie is bloody and gory and the only time I wanted to throw up in my mouth was listening to Perez Hilton mention him wanting to go straight for the night. Us, the gay community don't want him. I'm sure as shit the straight community doesn't either.

Once our group of douche-canoes gets to the cabin, we just sit around watching them strip off and get naked, go skinny-dipping, talk about rooting each other, witness the two hot girls make out, drink, and do drugs. While the entire cast is gorgeous to look at, in and out of their clothes, they are all so insipid. The dialogue is hideous. That's to be expected when you have three guys writing the words of college kids. I'm sure they sat around trying to come up with naughty phrases for vocal-fried, valley girls and himbo jocks. In all honesty, though, I didn't expect Shakespeare.

What does WTF! get right? Well, the movie has some solid death scenes, blood, and gore. We see people's heads get set on fire, appendages are chopped off, throats are slashed, and we see someone have their intestines pulled out. When the movie finally decides to start killing off the cast, I thought that the carnage wasn't half bad. I found myself relishing in the pain and misery of these characters. As I didn't connect to any of them, it was enjoyable to watch them suffer. At least they got the violence right.

WTF! also has one of the most beautiful looking and luxurious cabins that I think I've seen in a horror movie ever. I'm not sure if I'd consider this more of a holiday house as it comes with a pool and all the amenities but I loved this place. This may be the first time that I've ever used my love of architecture as a positive aspect of a movie that ended up being a disappointment to me. It's just that this film doesn't have all that much going for it and the things that I enjoyed are far and few between.

One of the most significant issues that I think people will have with this flick is that ending twist. The film reveals the killer, and it isn't at all that surprising. You spend the movie seeing flashbacks of this sole survivor being interviewed by the police and then she's now at a second cabin, and people start getting murdered again. It's not a shock to find out who the killer is and where this plot was going to end up. I think the biggest issue with the twist is that they throw in a second 'imaginary' character who was never there all along and it's just poorly executed.

Lastly, we come to the acting, and I can't give it much praise. The characters are so poorly written that the acting is only as good as the writing allows it to be. All of the characters are obnoxious, and they aren't at all likeable. So their acting comes across as the same. I think this screenplay has a lot to do with how bad the dialogue is but watching the actors try and spit out this dreck was painful to watch. I'm sure if these actors were given a better script to work with, they might have been able to deliver better performances.



- A guy is stabbed and has his penis cut off.
- A woman is hit in the back with a tomahawk.
- A man is repeatedly stabbed and has his intestines pulled out.
- A woman is seen with a massive gash on her face.
- A man's throat is slashed.
- An old man is stabbed and punched in the face.
- A woman with her throat cut is shown.
- A bloodied woman is stabbed in the back.
- A victim is stabbed offscreen.
- A woman steps on a nail.
- A man is stabbed in the back.
- A body is seen with its eyeballs ripped out.
- A woman's face is burnt off with a lighter and can of hairspray.
- A woman is kicked in the face.
- A woman has her head repeatedly smashed on the ground.

WTF! has a pretty awesome poster and a pretty cool title. The movie also contains some solid gore and bloodshed, but that's where it ends for this cabin in the woods inspired slasher film. The movie is filled with obnoxious characters, terrible dialogue, a predictable killer reveal, and a second twist that has been done in other movies and a lot better. If you're looking for something original, you'll be sorely disappointed. Go and check out the uncut poster as it's much more impressive than the final film.

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